Cheating the system and “Onaka ni ippai”

See that phrase? Learn it well. Memorize it. Let’s repeat it:

O-NA-KA-NI-I-PPAI.

The most commonly used phrase about halfway through the monstrous servings I receive for dinner. I seriously could not finish eating tonight. Maybe its because my stomach was still full from the fuck off breakfast I was served earlier in the day. For dinner, there was a bowl of Udon soup, a Japanese hamburger (no bun and covered in teriyaki and fucking RICH) with 3 potato fries, 2 cherry tomatoes and cucumber, a bowl of rice, a plate of Kimchi (cause I like it so much), a bowl of eggplants, a plate of this BITTER green plant and cold scrambled egg, and pickled uhm…pickles. I never question WHAT exactly it is, but yes. Understand this was our EVENING meal. How the HELL are Asians so god damn thin if they eat enough to feed a third world country TWICE? And then after that, Okaasan (mom) asked if I wanted fruits and tea on top of that. Yeah okay.

But this blog/journal wasn’t created to only rant about being overfed and becoming the size of Oxy. Japan experience, yaddi yadda. So today we went to the Ministry of Magic Kawagoe Alien Registration center as usual, everything was extremely mysterious. Except there was this one brat three year old trying to run through an office panel. I kind of wish his mother let him run and instead of going through it he just slammed RIGHT into it. Then again, I’m just a dick in terms of children. Cause regardless of race, they’re evil bastards. *doesn’t discriminate*

Oh—and apparently dried kiwi is a biological weapon. Because you are not allowed to send it from Japan to Sweden without getting that shit disposed of at the border. Luckily enough, the Japanese postal ladies “suggested” my friend might want to omit the contents of her care package on the shipping paper. Just in case nobody’s aware, any “suggestion” you receive from a Japanese person means “you SHOULD do this but we don’t like being direct”. And I thought I was passive aggressive…

Then again, they DID have a “Pearl Harbor” hat in a gift store. Totally fucking awkward beans and the bluntest thing I’ve seen in Japan besides this doll with a chef hat with a shirt that read “BIG DICK”. But I’m deviating from the point again. I mentioned cheating the system and that’s EXACTLY what I intend to do. Whatever could I mean? Well…

About a week ago a cellphone company by the name of Softbank came by and displayed two of their phones that were available…for a price. Of almost $100 or so. Naturally, I said “To fuck with that” because I am very much a broke bitch and I will NEVER have that much money to spend on a phone I’m going to use for 3 months (on top of having to buy minutes). However, while I’m a broke bitch and not a very eloquent bitch, I am a SMART bitch and before I left for the Land of the Rising sun I had t-Mobile “unlock” my phone. By unlocking my phone, if I wanted I could switch my service to any other company that uses a Sim card, USA or not.

Looking at YOU, Softbank.

The representatives of Softbank were openly skeptical about my international phone boast so the male representative pulls the sim card out of his female colleague’s cell phone and puts it into mine. He starts up my phone, calls HIS phone and what’s this? A vibrating in his back pocket? Yeah, like I FUCKING said. He exclaims that I’m lucky and since my phone IS compatible with their sim cards, he would make sure to bring me one for 2000 Yen. On top of the price of a phone card (which I had to buy) it would be an additional 3000 Yen. 5000 Yen for the sake of having a functional phone (about $57)? I could totally fucking dig it, I even stored 5000 Yen in the side bar of my wallet so I’d have the money to pay up.

Then the day arrives. Or to be more specific, today arrives. I waited at the university (no classes today) until 3pm. Earlier, I ate SHIT riding my bike to kill time while waiting for those fucking bastards. Why the name calling? Well when they arrived and I asked about my sim card…about that. They apparently lied. While it was damn well apparent my phone is compatible with their Sim cards, the representatives weren’t down with selling me a sim card unless I bought a phone or I signed a year long contract.

And WHY THE FUCK WOULD I DO THAT?

1) For the type of bullshit phone they were selling, it was definitely not worth $100 I’d have to pull out of someone elses fucking asshole cause god knows I don’t have the money for it. And 2) The year long contract thing is flawed because they only give year long contracts to people who are staying FOR A YEAR. Are you KIDDING me?

I politely declined both offers and another girl in the same predicament as me conferred with me. Because something about my persona deems that I know what to do when shit goes down. I don’t know. Someone eventually comes up to us in a whisper and says he has two spare sim cards just sitting around. Free of charge…and we can borrow them as long as we return them. Uhm, yes? Unfortunately for me, the other girl got it first (and she was really worried I would smack her in the face for it…I promise I’m not that much of a hoodrat dear) but he said he would get it to me tomorrow.