Forbidden Fruit

While that’s vaguely referencing high school tendencies that are currently making themselves known in my emotional spectrum, it mainly refers to something I am going to miss DEARLY once I return to Amerika. Fuck, I spelled America wrong; I can’t get any language right. But what I’m referring to (clearly) is the fruit here. Oh my god, the grapes…they are the most delicious amazing thing I have ever had the pleasure of consuming. I mean, they’re just normal grapes (ignoring the fucking huge aspect) but the skin is tougher, the fruit is juicier, it just tastes…right. You can’t get budo like that in America…what am I going to do??

Also—the Nashi (pear) is crisp and juicy. It’s almost like melon but thankfully the crispness compensates for the overly juiciness making it tolerable to my ever so sensitive palette.

Another noteworthy thing about Japan is the commercials. The most infamous commercial en mi mente so far is the “Chip Chop” commercial. It basically has an animated guy doing a commercial exactly how I’d imagine while at the same time having little to do with the product. Like most Japanese commercials, it was epic. Every commercial is epic…and has NOTHING to do with the product. Example: the one with the Asian guy walking down a dark train station…and there are flames behind him. And then he pulls a baseball bat out his ass and swings a fireball towards the screen. Then we see its “FIRE: COFFEE”. So what…is this coffee fucking spicy? It can’t be atsui because it’s in a can…but clearly it’s meant to be hot shit. Granted, that wasn’t the best example but let’s see. There’s also…oh god, too much to even think of! And they come at you in 15 second bursts so if you blink too long you’ll be on the next commercial.

But I completely deviated from my forbidden fruit. Granted, I’m not going into the high school tendencies emotional spectrum bit because that’s something fueled by my imbalanced hormones and weary body…but I will say Japanese fruit rocks. I feel like a fatty. Tomorrow I am seizing the fucking day so help me god.

Salut.

First Day of Class

Well…its safe to say its like Japanese class all over again. No English? Check. Smart ass in class? Check. Blonde buddy to be confused with? Double check. Which is not to say I’m all happy go lucky about this set-up. I love learning new languages, don’t get me wrong but what the HELL is up with this 9am class BS? I can’t process ENGLISH at nine o clock in the morning, let alone, Japanese. Admittedly, it is nice to not be completely lost in Japanese for a change. I actually understand a majority of it…thank God. Taylor-sensei wasn’t a complete waste of Weekday mornings. Demo--, I just hate the fact that it’s raining balls here.

Apparently we’re in the middle of a typhoon and the sky god has decided to shit all over Tokyo…well, the region close to it anyways. Which sucks…because though I’m not quite an alcoholic I would like a drink or several. I miss shotgunning ANYTHING or beer pong or you know, basically anything involving drinking with my frat. Haha, I have yet to grow up but I’m not too torn by the fact. However, it all comes down to I’m waiting for Kyle to get here…he’s drinking habits make me feel better about being a shit show. Just a few more weeks..!!!

What the fuck IS this depressing shit??

No, seriously, what IS it? There are some points and times where I feel like an idiot for not understanding Japanese but around dinner time all that goes away. As a matter of fact, I’m pretty sure I feel something close to relieved that I’m a complete tard. Every day (so far), around 6pm, we have dinner. And everyday, we watch some 24 hour Japanese show that basically gauges how much they can make people cry. There’s a screen shot about the size of a postage stamp showing members of the show losing their emotional shit (or trying very hard not to) and then the bigger picture is some dialogue of some poor unfortunate soul who has some kind of byooki and is going through totemo trials and tribulations and etc etc etc.

I wouldn’t think this show was too bad (it’s like a History channel special) but once they show the crying cast members it’s like “what..??” The best part of this show (besides the extremely attractive cast member who I’m hoping is gay…he’s way too cute to be straight) is Eyebrows.

Oh. My. God.

Eyebrows.

For some reason or another, there’s this chick with painted sharpie eyebrows and uhm…interesting teeth. Clearly she’s not meant to be gorgeous but its still confusing why she has the meanest eyebrows since Michael Saucy. Anywho, this chick runs an excessive amount of Kilometers for whatever the cause is while her useless teary eyed coworkers sing to her panting.

Wow.

But her tenacity is NOT the reason I wouldn’t mind having her thick eyebrowed psycho kids. No, what the “deal breaker” (or maker in this case) was during a commercial for some health drink. After shots that made no sense (I thought it was a fishing commercial for a good five seconds) her head pops out of an animated bush and she does this FREAKY tongue thing. Not freaky in the sense of I’m horrified but “Jon rolling his tongue” freaky. Except it was more “dart dart dart dart dart dart dart dart” back and forth. It was…uhm, startling to say the least.

But hey! That just means dinner is always interesting? I don’t know. All I know is tomorrow is the start of classes…THREE HOURS OF JAPANESE FOR THE WIN. Someone Benadryl me T_T…

On a side note, I find it strange that while riding my bike with okaasan the realization I still want THAT asshole. Just because. Clearly the whole “being moral for 3.5 months” is getting to my sanity. Because doing ANYTHING with him is just…it takes back at least 2 years of being a good person. It just…not only does it beat a living horse, but it does it in FRONT of PETA and then proceeds to slit its throat and use the carcass for warmth during summer. That’s how serious of an offense the IDEA of even sleeping with that monster is...

…which is probably why I would do it.

Watashi wa baka da yo..!

Because I’m big…

That must be it. That’s the only SOUND conclusion I can come up with. Because I have only seen one fat asian (and she was riding a bike so she won’t be gordita for long). But that HAS to be it. Why else would breakfast come in Commercial sized proportions? My host family is really nice/sweet and it’s helpful otoosan is trying to learn English hence him speaking it to me as a translator of sorts. But when it comes to these meals…I’m going to have to double up on working out just for the sake of not gaining weight versus losing anything. For breakfast I had an egg salad sandwich AND a ham and cucumber sandwich laced with butter. Followed by a salad, a banana, yogurt, coffee flavored soymilk, and coffee…for breakfast. This wasn’t two meals, it was A meal.


I don’t want to begin to IMAGINE how lunch will turn out. I mean, I’m still digesting that breakfast. And mr. Lindley’s all on this we have to buy our own lunch nonsense. Please, I’m BASICALLY eating LUNCH for breakfast. Unlike some human garbage disposals I can’t possibly fit 2 meals in my stomach per meal. On a side note, I’m definitely going to place that letter I wrote to Perla up as a blog. It’s just too amazing to comprehend, I have to document it. I’m STILL tripping about how my shower got vommed in. There’s no way that actually happened…